can we fall in love?

Build a whole car out of nothing? Out of cardboard? And it's a race? Does it have to be a race, a competition, can't it just be fun? Why the urgency? Why can't we just hang out and take our time, enjoy it a little? None of this makes sense anymore, did it ever? We're shrunken down people, miniaturized. Not all of us, just some of us. So tiny that they can pretend they don't see us. Pretend they don't hear us or our demands. Pretend our lives aren't of value and consequence. Who are you to decide, what makes you so special and important? Who made you the boss of reality? Defund the reality police. Not just defund, abolish. 

So someone is tiny, it wouldn't be the first time. Only a minute ago people were selling off their daughters as child brides / babysitters / housekeepers / teachers / cooks / sex slaves— home entertainment systems. Everyone wants one, to keep one in a cage in their home to hear them sing their songs, to beautify the place, elevate the experience of this mundane existence. A little joy, beauty, passion, why not? Who cares if the presence of this beautiful being is paid for, ordered from a catalog; if they're obliged to be here in order to survive. Contractual obligations maybe don't need to be taken quite so seriously. Their laws don't apply to us. 

I was saying that it was only two seconds ago people with money or power could just buy other beings as part of a deal. People walked around with dogs on leashes like property. They told themselves they were "best friends" and "part of the family" even made them wear clothing that said best friends on it, but were they? Is that a mutual conclusion you've arrived at or are you enforcing a perspective that isn't shared? Telling yourself it's not enslavement or torture, genocide if you name it something else. Euphemisms don't change what's happening.

Anyone notice the power structure in the room? Anybody? Just me? Call it capitalism, but it isn't just that. We can call it that for now, people understand that as a framework. I have to do these things in order to survive, I'm not doing it because I like it. I wouldn't dress like this and show up to this horrible place day after day if I had a choice. Sitting here pretending to be nice to people, giving my energy away for a paycheck that's not enough to even cover my bills. Monthly expenses always exceed income in this game, it's boring. I'm over it. Let's play something else. 

I'm one of the miniaturized beings, minding my own business. Listening to music, painting pictures, hanging out with my animal friends. I call this cat my friend and I think it's mutual because she chooses me. Yes, I feed her and clean up her shit. Yes, she's trapped in a small apartment with me, but it could really be otherwise. She doesn't have to be sitting on my lap right now purring, she could be doing anything. She could be anywhere in the little apartment, she could bring out claws and teeth when she sees me, she could avoid me, there are all kinds of different ways this could go. What's happening is that we love each other and find solace in each other. Together feels better than apart. I call it love.

Here I am a tiny human being just listening to music, painting pictures, looking out the window watching clouds, doing nothing. Moving the little bit of body I have, celebrating life, minding my own business when I got word that my miniature relative was flushed down a toilet somewhere. That's how they do us. Somewhere in a distant land, some woman didn't like that some dude she had her eye on had taken up with a miniature being instead of her. He was into it because the relationship was low effort on his part. She made all the noises he wanted to hear, supporting his fragile sense of self and gave shape and meaning to his life where only aimlessness and confusion had been. He had a new lease of life and she had, well— she had made a bargain. She had a place to be and a role to inhabit, someone to come home to at night. That's something. Maybe it's enough. She was making the best of it, she had wanted to get out of her small hometown and see the world, I guess this is what the world is now.

Postcards home— no, not postcards. There's hardly a postal system anymore, but somehow messages got across via the mycelium. She stayed connected with the hearts she'd been connected with before. We share consciousness. The thin veils of separation removed. That's how I knew that something really wrong had happened. All of a sudden, I just knew. Don't ask me how I knew, what evidence there is to point to. It wasn't like that and I don't have to prove anything to you or anybody anyway. I'm telling the story here. 

I knew she was suffering, but we're all suffering , what's new about that? There are moments of joy, moments of beauty. Souls really line up to get into this place, don't forget that. It's an honor and a privilege to take form and materialize in this realm at this time, however shitty the experience. I know a lot of people are still out here trying to transcend, ascend, escape the suffering, but the suffering isn't going anywhere, it might actually get much worse. It's my understanding (overstanding) that we're here to bring heaven down to earth— involution, embodiment. Bring what's highest and best and most enlightened into our bodies and therefore our lives, our choices that create the future. As individuals transform their consciousness and their experiences, the ripples spread through the collective. My arm is getting licked while I try to convey the idea. Maybe I'm salty. I'm usually pretty salty. It's not a sexy, slippery kind of tongue, it's really scratchy like sandpaper— kind of hurts actually, but I tolerate it because I know it's an expression of love, of my deliciousness is being appreciated. 

So I knew something was up. I had to leave the good thing I had going on to investigate, get to the bottom of this. The worst had in fact happened. My loved one was gone because someone else had a story in their heads about their insignificance. They really think they can just be out here doing whatever, like they hold all the power, all the influence, commanding all they survey. It only works as long as we let that system, that structure keep working. It was one woman who came through and decided that he should be her man so she swept up my relative and flushed her and everything about her life down a toilet. Because we're so tiny we drown in your toilets. She didn't have a chance. Of course I feel all the feelings anyone would: utter rage and contempt, hatred, bottomless grief, fear. I've been edging despair for months, years maybe. It's not as sexy as it sounds. The buildup and denial gets boring after awhile. I want satisfaction. 

I want to be run through with satisfaction. I'm done crying every day, feeling powerless, fearful, fighting for my own tiny life in a system that was never built for me. I journeyed to where she had been— I'm not sure what I thought I'd find there. Some part of me wanted to just look them in the eyes. Why didn't that man protect her if he loved her so much? Who is this giant woman who thinks she can just dispose of whatever doesn't fit into her story of how things should be? Why's everything here a big performance and a competition? Some kind of reflection on value, intrinsic worth? Having to be better than everyone else, it doesn't make sense. I'm heating up, getting sweaty again. It boils my blood the way people act and fail to act here. I know I have no control over them, no influence. They're playing games I probably can't even imagine. Complicated games of strategy and deception, that wouldn't be fun for me. I just like to connect the roads and rivers, rails through the whole landscape. I create a greenway around every city and town, protect the wetlands and waterways, celebrate them along with the fish and ducklings, the geese and foxes. Coyotes now too, turtles. Everyone's invited. 

For now I've got to play out this discovery / revenge plot, I guess. I'm going to see where and how she lived, look those people in their eyes. What happens when I get there, idk. Lucky for me I could just frequency jump over there. Physical travel can be so arduous, especially for the tiniest of us. Teleporting is just easier for me, faster, cleaner, less dangerous. As soon as I thought it, I was already there. Seeing the woman in the flesh. She really thought she could. Like whatever. Do whatever. The arrogance is staggering. She's not the only one either. 

She'd moved in on "her" man while he was grieving and vulnerable— classic manipulation tactic, get them when they're down. She intended to be the full-sized shoulder he cried on in the little one's absence. She didn't say a word about how she scooped my cousin up and flushed her down the toilet, she had nasty shit to say too, cursing her as she did it. So much cruelty in these people, where does it come from? How are their hearts? I hear them saying hurt people hurt people all the time, but damn. 

The confrontation wasn't all that. I just wanted to see her with my own eyes. I hadn't intended to do anything, but when I saw how she moved in on him, how she wouldn't even let him grieve. So busy trying to feed him her bullshit, get her tits out or whatever, using every trick in the book lovebombing him to get him to be hers. It was foul, really foul. I guess that's normal behavior for big-sized straight people? All I could see was manipulation and lies, coercion. Nothing about that looks like love to me. People can do whatever they want, I'm not here to judge anybody. I didn't go there to mete out my own form of justice or get revenge, but once I saw her and saw how she was playing him— (He's a dumbass for falling for it, but that's another story)— once I saw what was going down, I wanted to make things different. I want her to know we're here. My cousin wasn't disposable. You can't just do whatever you want without impacts, consequences. I get that your death cult believes in end times and do whatever because time is running out. I understand that that's your perspective, but it's not shared. 

It's my view that even if time is running out, maybe especially if time is running out, we could choose to treat each other with the utmost care and respect. Kindness and compassion for all beings in all directions. How can we make life sweeter for everyone? If time's running out, let's make it the best possible reality for everyone. Why wouldn't we? How awesome can it be here? Pretty awesome I think. 

The first step in my plan though is going to require that people like this woman get checked. If I were full-sized it could be a shoulder check, a hip check. Physically bumping into people to jostle them out of their trance is a game the full-sized version of me loves to play. I don't target people anymore, I can just stand on any street. People are so bedazzled by their devices they walk down the street without ever looking up. I can just stop and wait for them to run into me. Sometimes they get mad about me not getting out of their way, it's endlessly entertaining to me. Sometimes they'll catch themselves and look up at the last moment before impact, looking confused into my eyes. That's all I wanted, just that moment of awareness. However fleeting. You're here with me now, we're together in this. 

That's all I wanted her to know. The world isn't yours, it's all of ours. We're here too, like it or not. I didn't steal her identity and charge up lots of spa treatments or buy expensive jewelry or imported cigars or anything, all I did was let her know what she'd done and that we're here. Maybe she didn't see us before or didn't understand that our lives are as important, as challenging as precious as her own. I don't know what goes on in people's heads. Let me be as irritating and annoying as possible, that's something I can do. I took to leaving spiderwebs threaded across her rooms. She was forever walking into them. Not whole webs, just strands that would get in her face and upset her. She already knows what she did, maybe if she reflects on her actions and the impacts they've had, some kind of awareness will penetrate enough that she might learn something and begin to shift. There's no undoing what's been done. There aren't reparations enough. Nothing's bringing the lost back from the dead.