Yes

You know, if it comes down to it— if I have to— I won't have a problem making a single person shower stall out of some plastic or cloth and a hula hoop. I don't have to draw up plans, I can just see it in my mind. I'd reinforce the edges with tape and I've already got a grommet puncher and eyelets around here somewhere. Don't ask me why, but I know I have one and I've used it before. The size of those holes might not be wide enough to fit a hoop, but cord or wire, rope, sticks. It might work out perfectly. If it doesn't work out perfectly, it'll still be off to a good start just because I can imagine it. I don't need to know exactly how it will work out, the details can remain a mystery. I'll figure it out as I go.

That curiosity and exploration— nobody likes that. Not in my family or workplace or neighborhood. They might laugh uncomfortably and pretend to tolerate it, as if I'm soft-headed, eccentric– that cousin. Not being able to explain what I'm doing ahead of time, not having a strategy, an elevator pitch, a game plan has always been perceived as a shortcoming or failure.

Centering myself now, one of many non-perfect people in this corrupt world of decaying systems, I can say that default over-reliance logic and scheming is one of the reasons I always hated those bitches. They executive functioned the fuck out of shit: their own hearts, their relationships, their time in the world. Lauded it, held it up as model behavior in all corners of existence. Five and ten year plans, spreadsheets, pro/con lists. All of it, everything grid-like, scientific, pre-determined, replicable. Even now this place is still filled with the toxic fumes left over from the Cross of Planning. Smells like rotten citrus to me. Clementines gone moldy on a counter or in some corner of the fridge. Sharp edges to the smell, acid. The air isn't clear yet. Maybe we'll miss it when it's gone, when everything is vibes, frequency and inner knowing, but I'm not missing it yet. I can't wait for all that to be over.

I was always thrown under the bus of that kind of thinking, that perspective, that way of being. It's been so ingrained and accepted, people might not even recognize it as a way of seeing, taking it for granted. The feeling I have right now is akin to bitterness. Fifty years of sullen noncooperation, of quietly sulking in corners, misunderstood, ignored and cast out only for time to finally catch up with me now.

Now everybody's suddenly an expert in frequency, everyone reads the stars and oracles, everyone knows plant medicine, quantum physics and has a deep spiritual practice yet they're still trying to control and manipulate, compete, get the most attention or love or money from others. Tomorrow never happens, it's all the same fucking day.

Feels like with those companies that lose all their shareholders' money and rebrand to distance themselves from the bad press and losses, suddenly everything is forgotten. What am I going to do about it? What would calling anyone out prove? I'm going to keep minding my own business. Some of the feeling is still like when new people come in to look around my home for potential purchase while the I'm still living in it. They don't even take their shoes off. Don't even speak. Moving like they already own the place that has been my home for decades. The owners are selling the building and we're going to be out on the street. Where am I going to go? What's going to happen? It's just like I said, I don't create my reality because why would I create this?

These people are out here talking mindset and hustle, what you believe is what you perceive. I can see there's an element of truth in that, but it's not the whole truth. Maybe everything happens for a reason, but sometimes that reason is unknowable. It's not just create your own reality because everyone's doing it and we're all interconnected. Some people are really out here trying to harness the power of ritualized trauma, worshipping demons for gods and hoarding resources for themselves while they play at politics, religion and finance. It's not only my choices that are determining my experience of reality— it's all of our choices together, being one. Are we going to keep choosing genocide, enslavement, extraction and exploitation? Are we choosing a Carrington event?  Another great flood or many years of darkness, libraries burned, land salted? I propose we choose differently this time. We can create anything. Let's make a way of living that's way more fun for everyone. Solarpunk is going to slap.